Topic 150

14/12/2011 ( wednesday)
1.50am...

Yea, it is midnight again...
And I will have a final exam paper at 9.00am...
Suddenly feel sad,

maybe listening to some song,

it makes some different...

I'm sad,

and maybe because I don't know how to solve my math's questions...

And in a sudden moment,

I think to my past...

Everytime when I'm sad,

I will find chilli,

talked to chilli...

saying how sad am I...

and what the replied always was:
" I also don't know what I can help you..."

And now I realized that,

this word from you,

is so important to me...

I don't really need you to help me,

yet I need some words and some voice from you,

to encourage me,

to cheer me up...

so that I can get my mood back to better at least...

But now...

I'm sad,

and I don't get a word from you...

and eventually...

Emo OWNS everything...

I'm so stress for this current final exam,

because it really made me to fall on a very dangerous state,

that my cgpa is under threaten situation...

I need a word from you seriously...

at least a word: "Cheer."

I wish I can get back to a better mood later on,

so that I can proceed my work...

I miss you...

with my whole-hearted...

Topic 149

Endless story?

15/11(Tue), 12.18am...

We said we end everything on May2011,

and we will be friend again...

And what's happening again recently?

Week1 first day,

awkward feeling,

cause I felt that you scare me somehow...

Week1's following days,

everything like back to normal...

We joked, we chatted...

continue until don't know when,

somethings went wrong...

And yeah,

I didn't do any stupid things like before,

even those annoying things,

I stopped all...

What had happened?
Someone stabbed my back again in front of you??

I have no idea...

Recently my friend called me to go for a trip,

considering...

and yea,

I wanted to attend...

Since there's 7 other ppls joining,

I think I will have a relax trip after my final...

And suddenly,

my friend told me that chilli's respond when

knowing I'm going is not that "siok"

and finally I made my final decision...

I quit...

And fuck yea,

I broke down again,

I asked myself,

"I did so many things, just to make you happy..."

"I stopped doing annoying things to make you more comfortable..."

"I acted as a normal friend to you..."

And ended up,

You said that:

"Sometimes you scare me..."

1 year 3 months...

And fuck yea,

you said you scare me again "sometimes"?

Did you know the sometimes of scare-ness made me suffer...

not sometimes but everytime?

"Your mood good then treat me good,

you mood bad then treat me bad..."

That's what I felt it!!
Am I mean to be like that?

You can't let go...

And same...

I can't let go anything...

I love you so badly... :(

And I hate myself that who love you that much...

Even you dislike me,

even you scare me,

and even sometimes I felt that I had been exploited,

yet,

I still continue do something for you...

and

thinking what I can do to make you feel nature to be with me...

All my mind is just about you...
I'm sad...
Almost every night I suffered for insomnia...

Sometimes my friend told me that when the time

you planned to go somewhere,

and you will mention some friends' name to

go together...

And,
I'm not included in anyway...

You can even mentioned my best friend, alvin

who initially so strange to you and you

don't even dare to speak with him on a phone call!!
Do you still remember??

That time when I was driving,

you even willing to help me hold the phone let me talked to him!

And not you told him yourself!!

But now I felt that

even my position in your heart is lower than him!

I didn't mean I really envy him or what...

I just totally don't understand you!!!

I don't understand why you scare me

even if you already know that
I love you

for so long time ady...

And you ady get use of it ady...
I don't understand...

Please, stopped it can?

Don't "scare" me ady...

I really will have mental problem if continue like that...TT

I'm a good person...
Believe me...
I will show you!!
How good even I'm only your friend~!!

Topic 148

20/10/2011(Thursday), 11.39pm

As usual, gonna to talk back something

happened few days before...

Monday was my first day of second sem...

Out of expectation,

I saw chilli in my first sight when I'm in school...

I don't know what i should say or respond,

but just don't know why,

I just wanna to stay with you even
I faced you with my back...

First day of Y1S2 life ady very miserable,

maybe because it was a short sem,

everything packed together

and end up,

gg...

First day ady have extra class,

and studied for 6 hours math..

WTF?!?!
Suffering,

I did say I love math,

but not study like that lo...

will sienz de leh...
ZZzzz

Tuesday,

wish those classes ended as fast as possible...

and because there's a badminton session

and sushi bonanza session with coursem

ate after that...
Problem? XD

Failed...

Failed to eat the prawn that i want during the time at AU2,

just ate 1 dish...@@

somewhere near setiawangsa la...:'(

Wednesday,

a random day,

last minutes decided to eat sushi bonanza again,

since we were not able to eat the prawn the day before..

And now we went to timesquare's sushi king...
TADAA~!!!

Did you realized it??
Yeah, baby, that's many plates of purple colours...

Guess what? I ate 3 plates of prawn...XD!!

Satisfied satisfied..XD

And with a total, there's 16 plates of purple colours consumed by 6 of us

IMBA!

XD

Randomly went to redbox and sang k...

for about 4 hours...

And yes!
I left my small blue at UTAR until 9pm...

sorry my dear small blue...XD
And maybe I'm a bit over age,

played till quite sot...

and ended up i slept for 13 hours the other day... :O

more imba...XD

Hmm,

I think I get to be myself and played like no 1 care

again although with my coursemate...

maybe is getting closer with them... XD
And can played around like usual..

Not like sem 1,

all the time diam diam,

I meant not really diam la...

compare to last time talk less a bit la..XD

Topic 147

14/10/2011(Friday), 1.55am
It's late...
Had a very tiring day for the previous day...XD
Tea with my best gang...
And as what I promised...
I thought I will never get a result with

gpa>3.5
and dont even dream about it..
But this day came true on the wednesday,

which my result released date...

Flashback(wednesday)

Wow, early in the morning, 7.00++

then woke up and went out to do some stuff...

until afternoon...
Lacked of sleep,

darn suffered...

When the time I reached home and

on my way to take my nap,

suddenly phone rang...

WTF?!?
Will the phone call tell me that the

result ady release??

In an unconscious condition,

I picked up the call...

Xh..

She said,

result haven release...

but the list of academic honour had updated...

and me and her were in the dean's list..

And suddenly my eye's opened widely and

I shouted:"HAR?!?!"

"Meh lei geh??"

Hamik lai ye??
I'm in honour list??
Lu ka wa kong xiao ah??

XD

Made me even nervous...

Beh tahan,

went out yam cha...

Once I went out, the another call...

"Result out ady.."

*Stunned

Superd nervous...

And quickly went to my friend's house to check it..

FUYOOHH MAN~!!
First time,

I got A from UTAR!!!

I shouted loudly when I saw my result..

gpa>3.5...

I'm really very happy...

That I couldn't imagine and

not dare to believe that's my result...

I got 4A's and 1B..

Thanks god for blessing my English to pass...

and my CT and BE to get a merit...

and finally,

both of my favourite subjects,

Math and Programming...

for the A..

Programming...I love you, and now I get an A for you..

Satisfied?

hahahaha...

Math...

My dear, you dont love me for 1 year..

since standard 6,

I never failed to get A for my math...

but during my whole year in foundation...

I failed to get A...

But now...

Thanks...

for loving me back...MUACKSS!!!

Hahahaha!!

Really satisfied with my result...

I improved so lots that i couldnt believe my eyes...XD

I know in the future,

it will be harder for me to maintain it..

but at least it is the good starts...XD

And there will be no peoples know,

how much effort i put...

I didnt sleep for every exam i sat the day before...

Although I less study everyday,

but who knows,

the day before exam,

the exam's week,

how much I suffered?

Except my parents knows...:)

I know everybody was like that...

But this is the really first time,

I got the what I wish for my effort,

Those panda's eyes,

those amount of coffee consumed,

those amount of sugar consumed,

and those weight I lost...

But now..XD
I got what I deserved...XD

My parents...

They're happy,

my sista were happy,

and brother was happy...

And

I'm superd duperd happy...XD
Thanks god...

I will keep it on... :)

And do it even better...

Okay, that's all my result for Y1S1..XD
Flashback ended..XD

Now back to thursday's stuff...

Happy to be with my 3 best friends..

Always feel good to be with them...

MUACKS!!
Thanks guys..XD
Weijie, Chinyee, Adrian..

LOVE YOU GUYS!!
MUACKSS!!

Went to nilai soon after my tea...

*rush...

to meet with my sista...

I can feel it...

Both of my sista were happy with my result...

And gave me reward for that...

Thankyou...XD!!

I will not be proud...

I will keep it on to do it better sista,

no need worry...xD!

I WANT TO BE IN FIRST CLASS!!

+U+U!! XD

And last day activity,

Tea again..

but with my primary's school friends..XD

Happy...

Chatted too lots that always made me to have

sore throat...XD

No gaps..XD

And thanks my fren belanja me tea this time..

haha...

whole day just like rush here rush there..

but just dont know why couldnt fall asleep now...XD

I love my sembreak...XD!

And I hate it in a way,

it caused me be fatter...>

Nvm, happy enough le..XD!
Night guys..

^^V

Topic 146

10/10/2011(Monday), 11.04pm
Another 1 week sembreak before my
2nd sem of degree starts...
Sad case...
Another few days more my result gonna release...
*Nervous-ing

Hmm,

keep on thinking something this few days

and suddenly my fren told me about her relation with her bf...
And what her bf did for her that made
my fren hate him in someway...
And now,
I keep on thinking the same question,

but in anyway I couldn't get a good answer...

Everytime I try hard to forget everything about chilli,

and finally I will fell in love back...
Although I couldn't meet up with you...

Everytime I find myself some reason to make myself

to hate you, to scold you...

and eventually,

I felt sorry to you...

I wanna to get back the friendship at least...

Everytime I asked myself,

why am I so love you?
I don't know...
I don't really have some good memory with you,

perhaps there's some,

but mostly is the sad 1...

I rather kept myself on this sad case
I also don't want to leave...

Everytime I try to put down...

but in the end...

I get hurt even more...

I really don't understand what are you thinking...

Why I gave so many,

or maybe for others are just a little...

but I dont care about the quantity...
What I meant is just my whole hearted,

I gave,

but why I received from you is just

the hatred??

I reconciled...really...
Is that I'm so wrong?
Maybe you already weary about what I did...

The reality is just so cruel...
I didn't mean to get back the love...

but at least...

How many times I need to repeat?
I don't know...

I love you more than everything...

but

You hate me more than everything too...

Is it true?

I wish it is not...

Maybe everyone like me will also like this

又恨又爱...

But I don't really like it...

And after this few days of thinking,

I know that

The longer I hold,

the more difficult for me to get rid in the future..

As time passed,

if I still holding,

I will remember every moment I spent with you

and thus,

longer time for me to get rid of all those shits..

Who can teach me what else I can do?

It is so hard to put down,

but I know I'm on the way of it...

Soon after this,

it might be the end...

of my love...

Perhaps...Perhaps...